I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
