My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
