He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
