Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
BRING THE BAGELS
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
