Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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