Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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