just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
