I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
