I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
