i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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