I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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