We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
