Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
