I hate your face
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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