Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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