Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize