The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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