Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize