She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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