True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize