You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
