Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
