Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
