I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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