why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
