and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
