You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
