they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
