Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize