checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
