there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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