My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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