i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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