there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize