I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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