just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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