1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
