You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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