so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize