I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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