Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
