Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When are your genitals available?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
