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Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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