put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
