Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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