If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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