doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
two words...techno handjob
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
