I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
3 2 1 whiskey
Randomize
