Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
