I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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