I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
