Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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