We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
