Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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