I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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