Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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