he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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