I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
