Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
