We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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