Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
