Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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