I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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