You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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