so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
