Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
