the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
