I'm laying in your front yard are you home
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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