I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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