morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
