last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
