the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
