i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
