I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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