I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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