First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
