Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bring me that man meat
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
