i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
