After last night, I could never be a politician.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
