well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
