The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
