I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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