nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's a naked man in my car right now.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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