I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
