can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
