i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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