kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
