RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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