if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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