It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
