Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
