So drunk its hurt
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
