You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
