I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Soap is not a condiment
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
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