just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
