its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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