Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
