i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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