I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
