plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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