Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
