So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
