recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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