I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
