It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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