How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
